Female Rage: A Reason To Try Harder

There is a term in French that describes the way women take on greater mental responsibility: La Charge Mentale. It means the mental load—the invisible duty women carry to think and problem-solve on behalf of the world around them, especially men.

Many new phenomena discuss the female role in relationships—not only problem-solving and remembering appointments but also delegating tasks or, in most cases, completing the tasks themselves. In other words: I’ve got to think on behalf of every motherfucker in the room.

But here’s where I challenge that: in a room full of women, the mental load can be shared, and the results are abundant.

There are women, however, who I would describe as masculine energetically. She’s a woman who has to exist solely in her rational and never making room for feelings. It’s often said that two gendered behaviors exist: logic versus emotional. Ideally, everyone shifts between moments of needing to be more rational and less emotional—on the contrary, there are times when connection and vulnerability are necessary for advancing business or personal relationships.

Western culture has historically celebrated stoicism and weaponized emotion as weakness. Compassion and understanding are often mistaken for weakness, when in reality, they display strength and selflessness. I believe true altruism is the greatest characteristic to live by.

So, after years of predominately dating men, I’ve been ripping my hair out wondering why I could find his things before he did. This is an entire phenomenon in of itself…It has something to do with trying less so that someone else jumps in to fulfill the task. In other words, it caters to the idea of rewarding incompetence. Nonetheless, I grew tired of being ‘mother,’ or so I called it. This summer in Paris, I learned that this concept has been studied since the ’70s. Monique Haicault was one of the pioneers who named the double work-day women endure. “So you mean that I have to go to my regular job for eight hours a day, just like my partner, but then I’m expected to go home and clean, cook, do laundry, manage the household, delegate responsibilities... The list is endless!”

Yeah.

To which you might respond:

“But why? When did society and its systems expect our patient nature to endure so much?” There wouldn’t be a problem with the subliminal belief that women are inherently more capable than men if we got the recognition we deserved. But we don’t.

Women are often blamed for society’s problems—most often led by men—and then forced to fix, manage, or create new approaches for these failing systems. I am tired. See Glass Cliff phenomenon in businesses.** It is unsustainable to expect that our biological nature will remain compliant.

I, for one, have vowed since childhood to rebel. Maybe my soul was tired. If reincarnation existed and our ancestors really do speak through us, then mine decided we would embody the spirit of a tribe queen—the chief who was a woman, before my time. Maybe in Egypt, or South America, I don’t know where my lineage comes from, but I know my bloodline takes no shit.

I have felt the fire in my belly since childhood—the rancor and defiance against unfair rules. I’ve always been impervious to the rules. I believed some did not apply to me. I thought it unfair that someone deserved more respect than me only because they were older. My voice was not ignored solely because I was a little girl, but because I was also a child.

What do children and the divine feminine have in common? Emotion. A child may throw a tantrum—the result of being overwhelmed by emotion. Rather than shaming or punishing them for their behavior, what if they were taught to understand and manage themselves more adequately?

I see signs of change stirring in society. Efforts to celebrate emotion are occurring (in the form of ‘soft parenting’). I just hope we continue to progress. For the sake of these men, or else we will find ourselves in a society of hermaphroditic lesbians...

**Glass cliff theory describes the phenomenon where women and members of other marginalized groups are more likely to be appointed to leadership positions during times of crisis or poor performance, thereby increasing their risk of failure and making it harder to achieve long-term leadership success.